A Not-So-Well-Received/Highly Successful Proposal

From: The Court of King George III; London, England

Dated: July 10, 1776

To: Mr. Thomas Jefferson, Continental Congress; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Re: Your Proposal for Independence

Dear Mr. Jefferson:

We are in receipt of your "Declaration of Independence." As you are quite aware, the Crown does not accept unsolicited proposals. Nonetheless, we read your proposal with great interest, as it introduces a considerable undertaking on your part, and a potentially significant change to our operations.

The Declaration as a whole fails to meet our specifications, so I am returning the document to you for refinement. Please address the following in your revisions:

I. In your opening paragraph, you refer to "the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God," as well as the "Opinions of Mankind." Please specify which laws and opinions, and kindly document with a literature review, research findings and recent polling data.

II. You hold that certain truths are "self-evident." Please explain, as our reviewers do not find your conclusions to be obvious.

III. "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness" appear to be the goals of your effort. Please break each of these into quantifiable and measurable outcomes, a workplan and timeline. For example, you mention that the colonies "ought to be Free and Independent States," but we must have some understanding of the specific steps you will take to this end: who is responsible, how long it will take, impact expected, so forth.

IV. Your description of the current situation is quite extensive. Please limit your list of grievances to a half-page Problem Statement.

V. While there are numerous signatures affixed to your proposal, is this a genuinely collaborative effort? Please outline who among the signators will serve as a) project coordinator b) fiscal agent c) evaluator. Will all continue to serve on the Continental Congress? Please submit an organizational chart and short biographies for all key personnel.

VI. You are lacking supportive documentation - e.g. project budget and most recent financial statements, listings of major donors, volunteer and in-kind support, etc.

I trust that these comments prove useful in revising your "Declaration of Independence." Please prepare ten copies with original signatures and all requested attachments.

P.S. Your use of complex language ("perfidy," "evinces," "usurpations") makes the proposal difficult to read, and furthermore I don't like being called a tyrant.

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